


I Will Not Kiss You (Cancer Fic)

by tylerrjosuhdude



Category: Twenty One Pilots, Tyler Joseph - Fandom, josh dun - Fandom, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Blurryface, M/M, Spooky Jim - Freeform, cancer fic, i will not kiss you, josh dun - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, joshua dun - Freeform, twenty one pilots - Freeform, tyler joseph - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:57:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8154880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tylerrjosuhdude/pseuds/tylerrjosuhdude
Summary: This is a fic based around Blurryface and Spooky. (Tyler and Josh are minor characters) This fic is also based around an idea me and my friend had while listening to the Cancer cover for the first time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> BEFORE YOU READ THIS STORY:
> 
>  
> 
> 3 important things!!
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. The POV switches around a lot but its very easy to follow. Just trust me kiddos.
> 
> 2.I have a list of songs, in order, that you should listen to while reading this. It really makes the story.
> 
> Mad World (cover)- Jasmine Thompson
> 
> Like I'm Gonna Lose You (cover)- Jasmine Thompson
> 
> Pieces - Red
> 
>  
> 
> OR
> 
> Just listen to the cancer cover all the way through.
> 
> 3\. TRIGGER WARNINGS:
> 
>  
> 
> -suicide
> 
> -cancer and mental illness
> 
> -major character death
> 
> -abuse
> 
> okay thats all ♥    
> enjoy....probably not...im sorry.

In life you always ask questions, right?

 

You have internal battles between right and wrong.  
My whole life I've had an even bigger internal battle, because everything I knew was wrong, felt right to me.

 

For example, I grew up with strict christian parents. To be more specific, strict, homosexual hating, christian parents.  
So, eventually, when I realized that I liked guys, I panicked.  
My parents found out and grew to hate me and everything I did.  
By the time I was 15 they had thrown me out.   
Lucky for me, just before they had thrown me out, a family had moved in next door.  
So when I was sitting on the curb, in front of my once called house, crying into my red beanie, a boy with a green alien mask sat down next to me.  
Thus the adventures of Blurry and Spooky began.

Now, I know what you're thinking, Blurry and Spooky?   
That can't seriously be their names.

Well you're wrong.  
Kinda.

We decided that I couldn't keep the name my "parents" gave me.  
It was just wrong.

So when he found me crying with dirt allover my face from quite literally being thrown out of my house, Spooky decided to call me Blurryface, Blur or Blurry for short.

 

As for Spooky, well he just hated his name, told me that Spooky was a reference to his favorite show, so I just went with it. 

He gave me his hand and brought me into his house and explained what had happened to his parents.

 

They let me stay with them and accepted me with open arms. 

As we grew older we became inseparable.   
Best friends who didn't judge each other, no matter what.

 

He actually pushed me to explore my more abnormal side.  
By the time we were 17 I was walking around with black hands and a black neck, red eyes and tattoos that only he and I knew the meanings of.   
As for Spooky, he never did grow out of that Alien mask.   
Occasionally, he would throw on a ski mask, which I'm sure most people found terrifying but to me it just added to the long list of things that I love about him.

I probably sound like a semi-normal person to you so far right?

 

I mean minus what you know about my appearance, I'm your average angsty teen. Right? 

Wrong.

 

Me and Spooky are very particular types of people.  
We thrive on the misery of others.

 

Cold blooded and cold hearted. (mostly)

 

More specifically, I push around this one kid, Tyler.   
He was an easy target for me.   
I picked at his insecurities and tormented his anxieties.

 

And god damn I loved every second of it.

Spooky had his own toy.

 

Josh.

 

He wasn't anywhere near as cruel as me.

 

Just kinda told the kid that he was worthless and that he would never amount to anything. 

 

Everyday after our tormenting we would meet at the abandoned house on our street.  
My old abandoned house.

 

My parents had left just two weeks after Josh's parents had taken me in.  
Saying they couldn't stand to see the sight of a fag running around near their house.

I would always arrive first, sitting up in my old bedroom. I guess before they left, my parents destroyed all of my belongings that they didn't sell.

 

Old happy family pictures were smashed and ripped up, clothes shredded, Notebooks and Journals ripped up and seemingly burnt, and my piano was broken but still worked for the most part, with the exception of a few keys. They even went as far as smashing the windows and destroying the walls that were littered with my art. 

The place was a wreck, which explains why nobody had moved in since their departure. 

 

But I wasn't complaining, this had become me and Spooky's escape.

Spooky would arrive there minutes later and we would just sit there on the floor, backs to the wall, either talking about Tyler and Josh or just listening to the sound of each others breathing.  
Although one day I had decided that I didn't feel like torturing Tyler.

 

Instead I sat in my old room, playing the piano, and writing a song for the boy I love. It wasn't anywhere near finished when Spooky arrived that day but he was already begging to hear it. I refused. Told him he had to wait until it was the right time. 

Instead I just sang him the first song that came to mind.

"I found myself dreaming

 

In silver and gold

Like a scene from a movie

That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight

 

And you pulled me close

 

Split second and you disappeared and I was all alone

 

I woke up in tears

With you by my side

A breath of relief

And I realized

No, we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you

 

Like I'm gonna lose you

 

I'm gonna hold you

 

Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing

 

I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when

 

When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you

 

Like I'm gonna lose you

 

I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you"

 

I had to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat and Spooky hummed in appreciation. He always loved when I sang for him.

 

Now we're 19 years old.

Spooky had grown colder.

His parents had been killed in a horrible accident just a month ago.

Poor Josh was being tormented more than ever.   
I had left Tyler alone, too distracted by Spooky and my music to really care.

 

On this particular day  Spooky  was being extra cold.   
Although he was never cold to me. 

 

He did snap at me once or twice. Which hurt.

Our feelings for each other were known but never discussed.   
But I was so dumbly in love and I hated it.  
I wanted to die alone.   
I never wanted to drag anyone down in my misery.

 

I wanted to die before I was old.  
I never wanted to be taken care of by anyone.

 

But Spooky made me think twice. 

I knew something was off about Spooky.  
The past few months, even before his parents tragic death, he had been distant.

 

Not really talking much.   
He had been bipolar as ever, and he looked so drained. 

 

So tired.  
Pale and weak.

He reminded me a lot of my Grandma Joan before she passed away.  
But he couldn't look like her.

 

She was sick.  
Spooky's not sick.  
Spooky can't be sick.

I was sitting in the abandoned house waiting for him, just like everyday.

 

I sighed.  
He had to be at least 20 minutes late now.

I flinched at the sound of the front door opening and as I went to walk out to meet him I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard him let out a frustrated scream followed by a loud bang. 

 

I ran out to see him red in the face, lips chapped and faded, tears pooling in his eyes, and his breathing ragged. 

He dropped to his knees and I ran over to him, wrapping my arms around him.

I wanted to ask him what was wrong.

 

I wanted to ask why he wasn't wearing his mask.

I wanted to ask why he smelt like hospital.

But I didn't.

 

I just held him while he cried.

 

He needed to cry.

After 10 minutes of rocking back and forth and humming to him softly, his breathing slowed and he stared blankly ahead.

 

"I'm dying Blur." his voice was cracked and weak and came out barely as a whisper.  
I felt my throat close up and my heart thud painfully hard inside my chest.

 

"wh-" I was cut off by Spooky... laughing?

He was fucking laughing.

 

Not the kind that made me fall in love with him over and over again.

 

Not the kind where his eyes would crinkle and he would poke his tongue out between his teeth.

 

Not the kind that gave me goosebumps and made butterflies pool in my stomach.

Not the kind I ever wanted to hear from him.

It was cold and empty, and almost sinister.  
He spoke again and I almost wish he hadn't. almost.

"I have cancer. Told me today that I wasn't gonna last longer than three months.  
But you know what Blur? I don't care that I'm pretty much a walking dead man.  
I care that I'm going to die without being able to tell you every last thought that I've had about you since I saw you on that side walk 4 years ago. I care that I cant tell you that I love you everyday until we die from old age. I care that I'll never be able to settle down with you and get married someday. I care that I can't tell you how fucking beautiful you are. I care that I can't tell you how important you are to me. I care that I can't thank you for loving me and letting me be who I am. I care that I can't thank you accepting me and all my flaws and imperfections.I care that I can't make love to you.For gods sake I cant even fucking kiss you. No you know what. I will not kiss you. Because the hardest part of this is leaving you. Because the second my lips touch yours I'll want to fight. I'll want to stay alive just one more day to kiss your soft lips and look into your beautiful brown eyes and hear you say you love me too. But I can't Blur. I'm so tired. I cant keep fighting. I just want it to be over. But I can't leave you. You're my everything. Blur and Spooky against the world. But no. I had to go and fuck things up and get terminal cancer in 4 different parts of my fucking body!"

By the time he had finished speaking he was out of breath and on the verge of tears yet again.

 

I was so taken back by what he had said. What do I respond to? How do I respond? I didn't want him to suffer and but god he's all that I have, and call me selfish but I know I couldn't live without him. I took in a breath and thought for a second. Then I remembered the song I had wrote. I always said I would sing it to him when the time was right, but our time was running short and now might be my only chance. 

"I'm going to sing it Spooky."

His eyebrows pushed together and his eyes glistened with pain but still held that childlike curiosity that I loved so much. 

"what?" 

I stood up and walked over to my broken piano. Hitting the necessary keys to make sure the ones that I would need, worked. 

 

When I had written this song it was purely metaphorical. It was meant to hold a deeper meaning and to be thought about. But metaphors quickly turned into a bleak reality and now I knew that I had to sing it to the man that I love. 

"Turn away

If you could get me a drink

Of water

'cause my lips are chapped and faded

Call my aunt Marie

Help her gather all my things

And bury me

In all my favorite colors

My sisters and my brothers, still

I will not kiss you

'Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you

Now turn away

'Cause I'm awful just to see

'Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body

All my agony

Know that I will never marry

Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living

And I just hope you know

That if you say 

Good-bye today 

I'd ask you to be true

 

'Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you

'Cause the hardest part of this

 

Is leaving you"

By the time I was singing the last note I was in hysterics.

 

So was Spooky.

We were both so tired of fighting two different battles.

That's when I realized it.

I was okay.

Okay with dying.

Okay with leaving this world.

As long as it was with him.

I looked up to him and met his glossy eyes.

"Let's end it."

His eyes quickly filled with sorrow and agony.

"Blur you can't..."

I felt a heat build up in my chest and burn my lungs and throat.

"And why not? You're all I have Spooky! It's just me and you. Nobody else wants me or cares about me. I have no friends or family. I have no future or potential. All I have is you. I won't make you keep fighting just to be with me. I won't be the reason for your suffering... so let's do it Spooky. together. here. now."

Spooky's face softened. He secretly and selfishly hoped Blur wouldn't make him fight this any longer. 

"Okay."

Blur shot him a soft smile before speaking. 

"Hold on."

Blurry ran outside and to their house grabbing 4 things before jogging back to Spooky.

He grabbed his hand, 

"come on" 

Blur pulled spooky down a hallway to a room.

It was filled with Books and Journals. 

Lots of them.

Blur handed Spooky one of the 4 items and Spooky smiled softly a tear making it's way down his cheek.

Blur held onto the other three items, placing two of them on a near by shelf.

One of the items was a canister of gasoline.

Blur poured it all over the books, down the hallway, and letting the rest pour down the old wooden staircase.

He walked back to the room and grabbed one of the last two items.

A box of matches.

He looked to Spooky and he nodded slowly.

They were both ready.

Blur pulled one of the matches out and walked out of the room, Spooky right behind him. 

He struck the match and watched it burn for a second, admiring its dangerously beautiful aura.

He then handed it to Spooky. 

Spooky took a sharp breath and threw it.

It hit the bottom of the stairs, the gasoline instantly catching.

Blur grabbed Spooky's hand and pulled him back into the room with the books.

Blurry grabbed the last item and Spooky gave him a wide smile looking at him, completely infatuated with his beauty.

"Dance with me."

So that's exactly what Spooky did.

Foreheads pressed together.

Blur's hands resting gently on Spooky's hips and Spooky's arms hanging loosely around Blur's neck.

They swayed gently as Blur hummed the song he had poured his heart into earlier.

The flames had made their way up the stairs and began to surround the two.

Neither of them broke eye contact.

"I love you Blurryface."

"I love you Spooky."

And with that their lips met, the flames melting away all of their pain and worry and fear.

But they just kept dancing and kissing.

Never leaving each other until their last breaths.

 

Sirens blared and water was being sprayed in a frenzy.

The firefighters yelling for the people that two boys had seen go in.

Tyler and Josh.

They stood there watching the house go up in flames, the firefighters attempts to put them out showing no effect.

"Come on Ty."

Josh pulled Tyler from the scene and just as they were about to leave there was shouting from the firefighters.

 

"We got something!"

Tyler ran over to the commotion, Josh following in suit.

They were approached by a man in a police uniform, who's face showed defeat and sorrow.

"You said you knew the two people in this house correct?"

They nodded neither of them trusting their voices.

The man spoke again.

"I'm very sorry for your loss... but we need someone to confirm the bodies."

 

They both cringed but nodded, knowing neither of them had anyone but each other.

The officer led them over to two gurneys with two body bags, both zipped up. 

Another man walked over and stood next to the other body and they both unzipped the tops of the bags just enough so that a green alien mask and a red beanie could be seen.


End file.
